thank you, Evan Hansen

I write all the time.

You’d never know it by this blog, of course. It’s a virtual wasteland. I didn’t figure that it mattered much, since no one was really reading it, because I hate marketing myself therefore I wasn’t trying to promote the blog. So probably no one knows it’s here.

Enter Evan Hansen.

Dear Evan Hansen is my middle-schoolers’ latest obsession (they have great taste). So we are listening to it pretty much every day in the car.

“If you’re falling in the forest, and there’s nobody around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound?”

(this gnarled mess is a pretty accurate map of my emotions these days)

(this gnarled mess is a pretty accurate map of my emotions these days)

Try keeping that one from sticking in your head. Especially when Evan sings it a bunch of times in a row.

I open my bulging journal. “If you’re falling in a forest….”

I open my bulging Evernote app. “...and there’s nobody around…”

I knock over a pile of notebooks and scraps of paper in my office, all filled with half-finished songs. “ you ever really crash…”

I rearranged my office and nightstand to make room for TWENTY-SEVEN filled journals. “...or even make a sound.”

If you’re writing in a vacuum, and there’s nobody to read, do you even really write or ever say a thing?

Point taken, Evan Hansen. So here you go. Dusting off this blog here. Going to hit ‘publish’ more often.

journal entry // sweet spots + withdrawal

a throwback: some thoughts from my journal, late 2015

The sweet spot.

That perfect place where talents and passions and merge. In perfect timing.

here's a really helpful Venn diagram with some doodling

here's a really helpful Venn diagram with some doodling

I could not identify that sweet spot for much of my life. Then, in the last few years, I found it. That's a huge blessing and I am thankful.

I didn't know, though, that once I'd found the sweet spot I might have to leave it behind. Probably not forever, although there's really no way to tell, and there's a special little brand of fear to go along with that. But I've tasted, and I've seen, and now I'm just sitting here craving. And I don't know how to get back to that season, or if I should. It's so easy to become addicted to the sweet spot. My heart is so tricky.

Just like real sweets, I guess a steady diet of the sweet spot wouldn't be very good for me. Sugar is poison if you eat enough of it, anyways. Can anyone out there honestly tell me they would pick a Brussels sprout over a slice of chocolate cake based on taste alone? (Even you Whole 30 loyalists?) I freely admit that I need vegetable days in order to have a healthy life. They just taste awfully bland. Sometimes, even really sour - like orange juice after brushing your teeth.

Lord, I long for the sweet spot again. But for now, help me be grateful for vegetables.