I am so thrilled to announce the digital release of my single “Toll on My Heart” on Saturday, May 1st to all major music services— the first day of National Mental Health Awareness Month. Why this song, and why now?... Well, a less catchy but accurate alternate title would be “How I Beat the Battle of Fearful Thoughts to Keep Pursuing My Dream.” Here’s a little bit of the story…
The first draft of lyrics to this song appeared in my journals somewhere around 2017, as I poured out my frustration about pursuing songwriting as a career. I was very proud of the album I released in 2016, but it wasn’t particularly successful and I didn’t really know the way forward. Somehow, I thought it would be easier to just quit songwriting altogether, in the interest of self-preservation. Dreaming about being a songwriter was a terrifying and dangerous business I needed to escape. But as I processed my frustration, I realized that I was writing a song about my internal struggle, which struck me as hilariously ironic. The conclusion? I’m a dreamer, and trying to stop is pointless— better to take the risk and keep dreaming.
Now here’s the part that’s hard to admit: After writing the song and recording it with the top-shelf Austin pop producer Taylor Webb, and being super proud of the product, I stalled out. For THREE YEARS. There are a lot of small reasons I let this gem sit around that long, but the single reason at the heart of all of them was fear. Fear that it wouldn’t make enough of a splash, fear that no one could relate, fear that I was delusional, and fear that it wasn’t that great after all.
Fast forward to now. Why now? Well, I have grown up a lot in the past two years and I’m kicking fear to the curb. My Life Coach training through The Forward Foundation is a big part of that (forwardcce.com). The world needs what I have to offer, and we all struggle with this thought battle. I’m not alone and I'm not going to let fear win anymore.
So here’s my song, y’all! Thank you for listening! And if it speaks to you in any way, please share it with a friend or two hundred.
Yes, those are my hands! Click the image to get the song!